Pot Stirrer: Shatia

 

Hello, I am Shatia and this blog is my brainchild. I hope that you enjoy! 

Topic: Relationships

I got dumped. As I found myself working through this horrific break up and trying to navigate my way through all of these new feelings. Feelings of anger, sadness, regret, hurt, abandonment, and uncertainty. Feelings that have left my mind clouded many times and sometimes feeling so strongly in them, that I become physically exhausted. Everyone always testifies about the love through the good times but what about the love through the bad? We have grown up in a world where our views of love and romance have been shaped by fairytales and cheesy rom coms. In reality, love is nothing like a fairytale and relationships are hard work.  So now we’re in the place of determining is this what I want or am I willing to fight for this? Relationships are just one of the many things that make adulting hard. Like who signed me up for this?!

In the midst of healing, I have broken down many times but also feel like some weight has been lifted off of me. Things ended sourly and the hurt that I feel from the end of something that at one point, was so sweet, has been a pain that seems to have no end. When you truly love someone and they are no longer in your life, it’s going to take a while for your connection to them to fade. In my healing journey, I have had to recognize some hard realizations and decide which habits I will never take into another relationship. Not addressing things that gave me pause or completely coming to a resolution on things that I did bring up, backfired. There is a saying that I have been reminded of during this time and it's, “You treat people how to treat you.” I need to do a better job of that and I recognize it.

During this time I have done a lot of reflecting and spent a lot of time in solitude. Often when we are going through a hard time, we avoid solitude. It is in the times of solitude that we should be spending time with God and talking to him. God has revealed to me some hard truths that I didn’t know about myself and that is all so very important in the healing process. God has also provided me the opportunity and choice, not to be angry or bitter anymore. I am still asking for understanding and clarity of the events that transpired but I am working toward peace and not being furious. Things happen for a reason and it may hurt in the beginning but eventually it doesn’t. Recently I was presented with the opportunity to return the nastiness that has been extended to me and I was able to react in a way that God approves. Hurt people, hurt people and that is not what I am about. Thank God for growth, even if you think it’s small. Growth is growth, so celebrate it!  

We always see people sharing their love stories but what about the moment that you fall out of love? The moment where new uncertainties arise? What about the moments when you know it needs to end? What about what happens after a break up? Those things are always hush, hush. I can honestly say, if you’re having these feelings, talk with your partner and if a consensus can’t be made, then you need to walk away. The moment that I realized that I was not going to be protected on all fronts because of someone else’s intentional actions, I knew that a flip had been switched. When that flip switched, it screamed protect yourself Shatia. Yes it hurts and the emotional scars seem deeper and more painful than any physical scar could be. We know that physical wounds will heal but it’s so much harder to heal emotional ones. It’s a process, it takes work, it's slow, it’s fast, it’s aggressive, and it’s hard to do! Time heals all wounds but you also have to put in work. Some ideas to help on this journey are listed below:

·         Pray, reflect, cry, and pray some more.

·         Grow in God and let him lead you.

·         Journal

·         Talk to someone, whether it’s a friend or a professional.

·         Be honest in your reflecting and learn.

·         Take time to yourself, learn how to continue to enjoy your own company.

·         Laugh because it truly soothes the soul.

·         Be patient. Be still. Be thankful.

·         Choose your peace.

 I have to admit, I am a changed person after this relationship because I feel like I was taken for granted and disposable. Never again because ‘Im putting Shatia first! My next man, better be my best man or its on to the next. Periodt! 

Remember…..

Healing hurts in the beginning but if you press through, the end results will be glorious! There’s growth in the process.

Keep stirring Sis.

-Shatia